Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
