2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
