I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
