your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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