He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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