Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
