my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
