don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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