How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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