so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
