awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
