Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
