Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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