hotel room ftw
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
