Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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