His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
