I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
