Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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