Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
