that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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