Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
this will be a night to untag.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
