Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's like heaven, but drunker
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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