You can't special order awesome
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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