i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
