If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
