ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
how drunk are you?
Several
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
