One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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