I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
