Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
