I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
