so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
