We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
