I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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