If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
