I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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