I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
In America we eat man semen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
