I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
