yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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