Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
