My cat gives me a boner
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
