Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
