i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
