There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
