I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
