I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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