Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
