a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
