a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
