Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
