Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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