Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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