3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
