Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
