and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
